What to do when your Newborn only sleeps when held
Welcoming a newborn into your life can be a joyous occasion, but it can also bring about its fair share of challenges. One common hurdle that many new parents face is the struggle to get their little one to sleep without being held. If you find yourself in this predicament, we’ve got you covered. In this post, we’ll explore effective strategies and tips to ease your newborn into restful sleep instead of sleeping only when held.
understanding the challenge
It’s not uncommon for newborns to seek the warmth and comfort of their parent’s arms during sleep. Though we can’t blame baby for preferring to be held during sleep, and while some of my personal favorite moments during the newborn phase involve snuggling my sleeping baby, most parents don’t want to be constantly “nap trapped”. Having a newborn sleep only when held can be exhausting for parents who need to balance nurturing their precious little one and managing their own rest.
What to do when your newborn only sleeps when held
top 5 strategies for when your newborn only sleeps when held
Establish A Bedtime Routine - Develop a consistent bedtime routine that your baby can recognize and find comfort in, helping them fall asleep more easily. This can be extremely simple for newborns and can include steps such as:
bottle/nurse
diaper change
sleep sack on
read a book / snuggle
turn on sound machine
lay baby down in crib
say good night phrase (ex: “Good night baby, I love you”)
turn off light and leave the room
Over time, baby will learn to recognize the pattern, and the routine will become a cue for sleep. As your baby gets older, you can modify the routine to add or remove steps as needed (ex: you will eventually want to add teeth brushing!)
Assist Baby To Sleep, But Gradually Reduce The Amount of Assistance: Newborns often need assistance to fall asleep—which you already know if you’re reading this, because needing to be held by a parent in order to fall asleep is a form of assistance. There are others, such as feeding to sleep, rocking to sleep, and the list goes on. What you can begin doing is gradually reducing the amount of assistance you provide until eventually baby does not need assistance and can fall asleep on their own in their own sleep space. An example of using less assistance but still some would be to practice holding baby to sleep but holding them horizontally, on their backs. While they are still receiving warmth from your arms and lap, they are not being held in an upright position, rather they’re in a horizontal position that is more similar to how they will sleep independently in their crib or bassinet.
Practice One Nap A Day In Crib Or Bassinet - Just like many other things in life, creating new skills and habits takes practice. Thankfully, your newborn is just beginning their lifetime of learning, and a little practice can help them get used to new things fairly seamlessly. Just like practice, however, new skills may take a bit of time to learn. I like to start practicing at least one nap a day in baby’s crib or bassinet (i.e. their own safe, independent sleep space that is not your arms) starting day 1 home from the hospital, so there’s no such thing as starting this “too soon”. Feel free to start practicing right away. With time and exposure to their sleep environment, baby will become more comfortable in the space and will be able to fall asleep more easily. Even if other naps are in your arms, having at least one a day in a crib or bassinet will get you closer to achieving your goal of baby sleeping somewhere other than your arms.
Learn Your Baby’s Cues for Tiredness, And Put Them To Sleep When Tired: I always recommend working on independent sleep when baby is already tired. If you’re not sure how to reliably and consistently know when your baby is tired and most likely to have a successful nap, you will benefit from learning how to recognize your baby’s cues. The optimal time for sleep is right after you’ve seen at least one or two tired cues. If baby isn’t tired, you are less likely to be successful in putting baby down for a nap in their own sleep space. Read our full article on understanding baby’s cues here to learn what the cues for tiredness are and how to apply that knowledge to improving your baby’s sleep.
Optimize The Sleep Environment - Create an ideal sleep setting (outside of your arms!) by following the American Academy of Pediatrics’ recommendations, ensuring your baby sleeps alone, on their back, and on a firm mattress in a dark, quiet room. I have found great success with sound machines and swaddles with all four of my newborns to help provide soothing comfort that promotes better sleep by mimicking the environment of the womb.
Helping your newborn sleep better
With the strategies in this article, you’re now ready to help your newborn sleep safely and comfortably in their own sleep space rather than only sleep when held. By being patient with yourself and your baby, and by implementing the tips above, you can help everyone get more rest.
If you feel like you need more help with improving your newborn’s sleep, our guide, “Better Baby Sleep”, is here to help. It provides more strategies as well as more detailed, step-by-step specifics on how to implement them with your newborn in a way that is gentle and without crying. By incorporating these techniques, you can create healthy sleep habits that last a lifetime and navigate the newborn phase with a lot more confidence and a lot more sleep! Click here to learn more.